I think it's entirely important- so I guess what I mean is, I think we can do more, not less...
Ok, this got way too long and, I feel, way too emotional. This is a hot button issue for me, apparently, and I didn't really realize it until now... so, I won't erase this post, but I do want to say that I think there is a place for government that is seperate from the church and that the line seems to get blurred sometimes, which makes sense. Of course, as a Christian, it is important to vote for someone who you think will lead our country in a manner that is in line with what you believe- it's just not a cut and dry issues. There are SO many issues that are in play and to say that one issue supercede them all (except love, which neither candidate has built his campaign on) is to undermine the importance of the system... with that said...

I will be voting for McCain.  Because I think he will lead our country in a direction that we need it to go. And, while I don’t agree with everything he stands for- I count myself a Republican. I consider myself conservative when it comes to governmental programs- I prefer small government, fiscal responsibility (although we did sort of let that get away this last term…). We’re in a crisis- economically and financially- as a country, and this sends people into a panic- grasping for anything they perceive as the way out.  This is only natural. But, while the majority of Americans will go off of a perception and television ads (why do you think there is so much spent on it??), some have taken another direction and decided to make this one (like others) about morality.  I realize that this is done in every election and, really, every aspect of life- but, for me, politics are politics.

Furthermore, voting for a President based solely on his stance on abortion and gay marriage is not only ridiculous, but dangerous.  There has to be more.  The time we waste on these issues alone is absolutely astounding and makes me wish I were not being grouped with Republicans.  This should not be the main focus of what we stand for- because what we actually stand for is so much more.  I won’t even get into gay marriage, because it just seems ridiculous to keep this illegal, on so many levels. But, abortion? I guess the reason this gets to me is because being Pro- Choice is in no way being Pro-Abortion, and that is what it is equated as.  I believe in a woman’s choice to choose. I believe in her choice to choose when and with whom she has sex and in her choice to choose when and with whom she has a child.  I firmly believe in personal responsibility and birth control- I think that if you are having sex and not using protection, you should be ready to have a child. But, I also recognize that I grew up in a world that not everyone does: 1. Birth control was readily available. 2. I was taught how to use it (on a side note… how can you be pro-life AND fight for abstinence only birth control?) 3. Having a child at any stage in my life (thus far) would not have gotten me ostracized from my family or community and it would not have put me in financial ruin. It would not have left me in an abusive relationship.  All of these things boil down to choice: I always had it. And with all of that, with a loving family and community and the means to take care of whatever “mistakes” may have happened… I am not entirely sure that, had there been a pregnancy, I would have had a child. And, that is my choice. 

                Abortion is not an easy choice. It’s hard to raise a baby. It’s also hard to do what you think is best for everyone involved. I have seen the pain that abortion causes, and while I never think it is a good option, I understand the perception that it is a necessary choice.

                If I wanted to take a stand against mistakes, against stupid judgment and hypocrisy, I would look a little closer to home. I, personally, would start with a mirror.  And, with the loss of all of these babies I would start to wonder what I could do, aside from just spouting rhetoric and trying to get a President in office who would overturn Roe V. Wade. I would go to the abortion clinics, not to offer signs and cruelty and judgment, but to offer them a place to go, a place where they and their child could be loved. I would stop living in the hopes that this would be made illegal. I would start looking at the community, at the church specifically, and ask myself why we have to turn this over to the government. Why aren’t the families that you know who have raise successful, productive children to be members of society not helping- why are we not making this world a place where these children would be loved and cared for in it? I will not judge a woman who feels like she has no place to turn when I am not doing anything to provide a safe place for her. I will not judge a woman for making the hardest decision of her life because she feels trapped. I will not judge a woman who has multiple children and now must rely on welfare to support her family. I understand that she has made the choices that have led her to this situation, but I have been in situations of my own making that I had to crawl and cry my way out of… and these are not the ones I am proud of, these are the ones that I still bear the scars from, still have trouble focusing on for too long for fear that the wound will reopen and raw flesh will be exposed and if I let that happen, if I let the tears start falling again…this time they may never stop. So, I understand that we cannot always make the perfect decision. I get that sometimes we are so far removed from where we should be, where we thought we would be, that we need a little help up.

                If I had the extra time to start lobbying the government to make things illegal, I would certainly not be starting with abortion, I would start with the things that actually break my heart: the babies who are born with no one to love them, the people who are homeless with no warm place or person to go to, the innocent who die in war, the teenagers who are lost and don’t know where to turn…

                And then, after I had solved all of the worlds problems, I would start to harass people who are making decisions that aren’t “right,” but I would start with the ones that the Bible has mentioned: I would picket the courthouse where people are going to get a divorce, I would throw things at all the cars who pass homeless people and don’t give them any money, I would go to the homes of the wealthy who don’t give any to the poor and the orphans and widows and I would spray paint their houses with the Word of God that says they are wrong, that says the rich should sell their possessions and give them to the poor, and I would go to the abortion clinics where people are picketing and I would commend them for being blameless enough to be out here judging the woman who are walking in- for living such an righteous life. And if I did that, everyone in would certainly be able to tell who the Christians are (it IS hard to tell these days…) because they would be turning from the courthouse and from their divorces, they would be driving around with tomatoes on their cars because I threw them there and they would have spray paint on their houses. 

                Our sins are personal and embarrassing, and accountability IS necessary- accountability from a close friend or from a parent or from a spouse or from a pastor. And, it is asked for or it is developed out of a close relationship. Accountability is not thrown at people.  It is not a weapon of those who call themselves Christians.  Judgment is not what Christ came to preach. 

                I have no problem with those opposed to abortion.  I think that everyone is entitled to their opinion. I also think everyone is entitled to their choice.  The problem I have is how we are representing Christ. I just see Jesus always offering- come and follow me.  He didn’t have a lot to offer (much much less than we do). But, he offered himself- which is exactly what we have to offer.  Him. And ourselves.  And I don’t think that trying to persuade woman to have their babies and not to terminate a pregnancy is a good and noble goal. But, the road to hell is paved with good intention: and taking away a woman’s right to choose is probably the least effective method of going about making sure that babies are safe and warm and loved.

                Is human life precious? Absolutely- so let’s focus our efforts on loving the ones who are already here. We fight and fight and fight to bring these babies into the world and we forget that there are already people here who are suffering- tremendously- and that maybe our time and efforts and money could be better spent trying to ease that suffering a bit.

                I do not condone abortion, I just understand that not everyone lives in a world filled with condoms or monogrammed bloomers… and that understanding is a much harder road that condemnation. But, we do not live in a Christian nation.  If we did, there would not be such an economic gap- we would all share; there would not be those who drive around in Mercedes while so many people take the bus.  The whole world would look a lot more like Acts. It was smart of the conservatives to take on these issues- we will protect all of your hard earned fortunes AND we care about babies and refuse to let homosexuals marry.  Oh, what a dream.  It doesn’t make sense. Because nothing is perfect…I think in a perfect world we wouldn’t outlaw abortions, but eliminate the need for them.  Let’s stop trying to get the water out of this sinking boat with a spoon.

                To vote for a president based on his stance for abortion is just unbelievable to me. I don’t know much about politics. I can’t hold a candle to my sister in a conversation on the subject. I know that there are people out there, people significantly more intelligent than I am, who will be voting for both Obama and McCain.  I know that there is no right or wrong when it comes to politics. Because we can list scripture about how precious life is (and it is…), but we could also list scripture about giving to the poor (something Obama fully supports with his programs an legislation… and all that I have heard is how this should be a choice, we should have a choice where and who we give our money to). See, we REALLY like choice when it comes to our money, but we won’t fight for choice when it comes to ALL woman’s bodies. 

                It’s easy to say… I will do my part, I will vote for a candidate who doesn’t like abortion, and then sit easy for four years. There will NOT be a president who is perfectly aligned with the Bible. He will be running the country, not our bodies or our communities or our hearts… that job sits with the church (the body of believers).

                I just hope we are not casting our vote with ignorance (believing that Jesus would vote for John McCain) or with the hopes that this ends our responsibility.  No matter what happens in Washington, we are still called to be the same people- to do the same things.  To be an example and to love.  This has nothing to do with God thinking politics are more important than human life, but the fact that the responsibility is on Christians, not on the President.

               Have I seen abortion cause lasting pain? Yes, I have also seen the struggles of having a child too young, with the wrong person. I have also seen the pain caused by divorce and the effect of marriages that happen to soon. These things are complicated.  I agree 100% with all the reasons why abortion is morally wrong. I also disagree 100% with the reasons why abortion should be illegal.

                 I will be voting for McCain, but I will be praying (to God) that he doesn’t do a damn thing about abortion. And I do this because I believe in personal responsibility, not bigger government telling us what we can and can't do.

 

I feel like so much has been going on, that everything is just spinning... the past couple of months have been absolutely thrilling and often draining...

Getting engaged and planning to marry has been one of the most... unusual experiences I have ever had. I am excited and scared and I feel like I keep going to extremes. It doesn't help that Eric is four hours away... he calms me when he is around and I feel like everything will be fine. So, along with everything else, there is this high when he is here and low when he leaves and it's just such a crazy cycle...

To imagine the stress of the wedding, the marriage and moving... sometimes I feel alone. Of course, I am not the first or last person to be feeling all of this... it's just so new and strange. To feel so overwhelmed with love and being loved and knowing that this is the person with whom I will spend my life... and all of the daily ins and outs that entails that we cannot possibly fathom right now... it's just alot to process. Alot to feel.

And the way that this is impacting how I see God and the church... how he is showing himself to me in this most extraordinary manner. That, no matter how much we love and are loved and give and are given... he loves and gives more. That no matter how difficult things may be, he can handle it. He continuously pours his grace on us. That, though we may not deserve this incredible person in our life (I know I don't...) we are given things like that all the time, abundantly, and then more. I am so grateful for the gift of this person who I have been given and am choosing to love, to be my partner, to encourage and support and to build a home and a family, to laugh with and talk to- forever.

And there is no way to think about this- about the joy and the struggles and the building of a life together- without being acutely aware of what God has given and promised and sacrificed for us. That this love, this choice, can be explained with all of the logical reasons two people choose to marry, but then there is something more. Something so close to faith that it's hard to tell the difference. It's what they mean when they tell you that you'll know. And it's incomprehensible. Even as I write these words, I feel like I am forgetting something, like there is no way to form words around that which cannot be expressed in language. Like the heart really can't be explained. And for someone who loves words, who cherishes their sound and meaning and the way they form on paper and tongues... this is a difficult realization.

And with all of this, as with so many gifts, it is necessary to realize that with this choice, with this feeling, there are many others paths not taken... there are sacrifices. This is not just about me and my dreams, but somebody else's. Forging our own paths has led us to each other, but there are so many things that will change- as we diverge into this brand new journey. together. And, I know mourning is too strong a word- but so is nostalgia, because I am confident in the decision I have made and the commitment I will make... but it is there. Letting go of the single life, of having to worry only about how decisions will impact my own life, how each dollar and minute and word spent would gratify or hurt me... there will be two, who will, in fact, be one... and this requires that we recognize that which we are giving up for this greater love. Of each other, of family. Sacrifice. And the rewards are plenty; there is no weighing of the scales here... because it is tipped in a direction we could not alter.

I feel in between... though I haven't lived in my parents house for 6 years... but they have supported me (financially and emotionally) throughout my entire life... and now, while I will always be theirs, I am forming a new bond... so strong it doesn't make sense that for some time, this person was a complete stranger. We will be creating a home- physically, emotionally, financially, psychologically- together, with and for each other... but that hasn't yet happened. We have six months, and I feel a little lost sometimes. And I know that this will all go by so quickly, and I do not wish for time to speed up, because each season offers us something; transitions need to be seen through and completed- throughout all the changes and excitement, there's no need to rush. But, it is a challenge.

At the risk of sounding melodramatic, I decided to write... because it is what I am going through. However, these past couple of months (and I am assuming the next months leading up to the wedding) have been alot of fun. Choosing the flowers and the cake, the reception and ceremony locations, the colors and the dress (it's beautiful!), the music and the lighting... Such a sacred moment, a joining, followed by such a fun party (or so we hope...) surrounded by our friends and family... all the parties and people sending cards and flowers... it's been great. There have been some challenges- of course- I bought the wrong colored shoes for the bridesmaids and had no idea until I got home (navy instead of black...), I typed his name wrong when I ordered the unity candle (easily fixed.), the date fiasco, the budget- and then the emotions that seem so encompassing- some rightly so and others so very wrong... it's hard to find a good balance- between parents and fiancee, between friends and self, between wedding and marriage preparation, amidst all the different opinions, between being and becoming, past and future, between the fun and the sacred, but, though I seem to be teeter-tottering between extremes, I am most definitely trying.

Sometimes I seriously wonder how I got so lucky.

Here's to love- the noun and the verb, the emotion and the decision. the always.